September 21, 2019

I wonder if I burned out all those intense years taking care of my sisters, striving to be good enough, to prove myself, to achieve to have worth. All those intensely emotional years, being so desperate in my effort to live.

I’ve wondered for year, why I have so few memories – of childhood, college, raising my kids – just life.

Could it be that, with bipolar – particularly untreated bipolar – the brain is so consumed with survival – dealing with emotionally distressing situations – there’s no ability to process, store events and experiences?

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Welcome
I am a 57 year old woman, raised by an undiagnosed mother on the spectrum. At 12 I developed bipolar II disorder but was not diagnosed until I was 50. At 30, I had a son whose father dropped out of the picture when I was seven weeks pregnant. I met my husband when my son was 4-1/2 months old and we were married 17 months later; our daughter was born 18 months after that. We had a great life raising the kids, going to church, being involved in the community. My husband was always loving, patient, and kind. Twenty years later, our kids were grown. What we didn’t know was that the bipolar II disorder that started when I was 12 and, that went undiagnosed and untreated, was worsening. A pile of life stressors led to a serious bipolar episode, an illegal affair with a prison inmate, a suicide attempt, (finally) a correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment, and felony charges with a potential of 100 years in prison. This blog traces my journey, sharing my experience, insights gained looking back on 50 years that hadn’t made sense, and tools used in recovery. I hope that this will provide encouragement, insight, and tools to help others traveling a similar path. I'm Sherrill and this is my journey.

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