For someone on the (autism) spectrum, bonding is difficult, if not impossible.
A child of a parent who can’t bond, feels neglected, abandoned, alone, and unloved, and that makes bonding difficult, if not impossible.
Someone on the spectrum may actually want to connect, but just doesn’t know how or doesn’t have the skills.
But for a child who has only known those feelings of neglect, abandonment, and of being unloved, there is no context of the disorder to understand the “why,” and overcome its effects.
And so, as an adult, it may be difficult to feel any sort of bonding or love for that parent. Not that you don’t want to love them, but any emotion that should be attached to that is missing.
I have found it difficult to connect with my mother. Even though I now understand why that is, I cannot feel a bond. And I can’t manufacture it. And I feel guilt, terrible guilt.
I love her. She’s my mother. But it is a love out of choice, not nature or nurture.
I choose to love her by being patient. I choose to love her by serving her, though that has a lot of challenges, and I’m far from the goal.
I’m praying that God would give me compassion for her.
She’s a lonely, elderly woman, with few deep, genuine friendships.
It must be painful to feel so alone, especially when connection is so deeply longed for.
And so I find compassion.
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